Fear, Worry, & Doubt.

Fear.

Worry.

Doubt.

 

My three familiar friends.

Keeping me from my passions.

My mission & purpose.

 

Goodbye, my old friends.

Today, I will let you go.

For I only have one life and I intend to live it.

 

I hear a knock on my door!

 

Three new friends have arrived.

Love.

Trust.

Faith.

 

 

They even brought gifts.

Love brought joy.

Trust brought excitement.

Faith brought freedom.

 

Thank you, my new friends.

I look forward to our new journey together.

 

 

How Do I Let You Go?

 

How do I let you go?

A part of me still wants to be with you.

How can I be the best version of myself and still be with you?

You almost took my life a few times.

I could have gone to jail because of you… But you kept pulling me back.

I made huge mistakes while with you and caused suffering in the world.

Society wants me to be with you even though it’s not in the best interest of my mental, physical, and emotional health. Why is this?!

I see what you have done to others lives.

I spent thousands of dollars on you, putting me in financial stress and debt.

But damn, we had some good times together.

I made some great friendships because of you, but I know its time to let you go.

I’ll always remember you, but it’s time for me to end this show.

After 12 years of love, my attachment to you is no more.

I worked long hours for you for 7 years but I know in my heart it’s the end.

You were part of my journey to this point and I’m thankful for that.

I’m leaving you alcohol.

I know my vision now and you’re not part of it.

How can I alleviate suffering in the world and promote a healthy lifestyle while sipping a jack?

I’m leaving you and I don’t want you back.

Back story; I have been drinking for 12 years now, age 15-27. I worked in the alcohol industry for 7 years, age 20-27. I did many unskilled actions on alcohol in college and high school. 

Mahalo,

Johnny Hoffman

My Mission: To Alleviate Suffering in All Living Beings.

Aloha my brothers and sisters,

My mission is to alleviate as much suffering as I can in all living beings. It’s a lofty mission, but I’m excited to take it on as my life’s purpose. But first of all, I have to alleviate the suffering in my own life. How can I  fully help others suffer less if I can’t help myself?

It has been quite a month for me. For quite some time now I have had this lingering tension on the left side of my abdominal area which reached all the way to the left side of my jaw. I couldn’t figure out why I had this tension. At first, I was numbing it with alcohol every night which was getting out of control. The alcohol worked to alleviate the tension momentarily but the following day it would reappear. I was resisting this tension, which was causing me to suffer. A couple weeks ago, I was driving to work and the tension was almost unbearable, like a thousand tightly wound knots in my abdomen. I finally surrendered to the tension and accepted it. I did more than accept it, I showed compassion and love to it. My tension went away for 15 minutes of pure bliss and joy. I felt like I was floating in the sky or on an LSD trip. I enjoyed looking at the West Maui mountains as tears of joy went down my face. Soon though, I was back to the reality of my tension in my abdomen. Something awakened in me in that moment, I had to stop resisting pain and start accepting it for me to live a more peaceful life with less suffering. I had awoken to my mission to alleviate suffering in the world.

Fast forward two weeks. My meditation practice has been stronger than ever and I’m focusing on reducing my suffering. I eliminate alcohol and porn from my life because they both contribute to my own suffering. I also switched to a plant-based diet to help reduce suffering in myself, animals, and the planet. By changing my habits and intentionally reducing suffering in the world, I invoked suffering that was deep in my subconscious.

In my deep 30 minute meditations, I suddenly find myself reliving old memories from my childhood. All of these memories are either pure rage or rumination over unskillful actions I have done in my past (stealing, cheating, lying). Instead of judging or running from these memories, I choose to accept, love, and show compassion to myself. I imagine myself as a child, filled with rage, confusion, and fear.

Pain doesn’t decompose. Pain lives in us until we confront it with love, compassion, and forgiveness. Suppressing this pain never works.

“What you resist, will persist.” -Carl Yung

What could be more logical than showing compassion, love, and forgiveness to yourself? What could be more insane than hating, judging, and running away from yourself? Clearly, we need to hold ourselves accountable for our wrongdoings but after that is done with, we must forgive and love ourselves. As a child, I would throw temper tantrums when things didn’t go my way. I would have mental breakdowns when playing golf, basketball, or even when my favorite teams lost in the playoffs. This pain still lives on within me because I suppressed and ran away from it. I judged myself and labeled my former self as a sensitive, weak, and inferior version of myself. In my teen years, I was calm and collective for the most part because I vowed to never be that inferior self again.

Yesterday afternoon I fell apart and broke down. So many emotions running through my body. So much pain, suffering, joy, and pure bliss all mixed into one moment.  The tension was truly alleviated once I showed true compassion, love, and forgiveness to my darker side. Radical acceptance was key to ending my suffering and I believe it is key to alleviating the suffering of mankind. So many of us are hurt by old wounds that never properly healed. The people who hurt the most, hurt others. Almost all horrendous acts done by humankind are rooted in hurt individuals who look to cause suffering to others because they themselves are in so much pain.

I’m excited to share my journey to a more meaningful and peaceful life. I thank you all for reading this blog post. By reading this post, you help me live out my purpose to alleviate suffering in all living beings.

“When we learn how to suffer, we suffer much less.”

-Thich Nhat Hanh

With the Aloha Spirit,

Johnny Hoffman