The Awakening of Pascal.

A vicious storm has almost sunk Pascal’s ship. It was unexpected and disastrous. Will he recover? Or will he be damaged permanently?  

 

Pascal lays still on the main deck.

His breath shallow.

Nearly dead.

His first officer Pablo has taken over in these trying times.

 

In the coming weeks, Pascal slowly recovers.

Time seems to be in slow motion for Pascal.

All seems clearer after the storm.

Dark clouds clearing to an open sky.

 

Pascal has realized that his suffering is of his own doing.

Holding onto whats gone.

Going with fear based decisions.

Mis-judgments.

Limiting beliefs.

 

Pascal vows to do better.

 

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Rock Bottom.

Lungs exhausted.

I’m barely breathing.

Pain deep in my bones.

Heart aching with loneliness.

Stomach twisted into origami.

 

It’s the coldest at the bottom.

Harsh winds.

Thunderous nights.

Misery in every moment.

 

All I want is to feel the cool breeze on a warm spring day.

 

To smile deeply.

To laugh.

Feel joy once more.

 

“Don’t worry!”  my mind tells me.

You have survived all that has come so far.

Darkness will become light.

Thanks to impermanence.

We will laugh, smile, and feel joy once more.

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Abandon Ship!

Unexpected storms.

Unbearable winds.

Unavoidable destruction.

 

Your ship is broken.

Years of neglect.

Storms breaking it piece by piece.

Abandon your ship.

Let go and go into the great unknown.

Dive deep into the darkness of the sea.

 

The water is coldest at the bottom.

Unbearable pressure.

Suffocating pain.

Keep going.

 

As the storm passes, you will see a light.

Follow it.

 

Do not get accustomed to the darkness.

Do not wish for your old ship to rise from the depths.

 

Through the pain, we can grow.

Through the suffering, we can heal.

 

As you reach the surface you smile.

New life has been given.

Gratitude shining from the sun.

 

 

As you wash ashore.

You’re full of joy.

Curious about this new island.

Excited about new adventures.

 

New beginnings have been given.

New experiences to enjoy.

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The Broken Dam.

 

Pain.

Anger.

Confusion.

Suffering.

 

The pain of loneliness.

Isolation.

Fear.

 

Building up like water flowing into a mighty dam.

Cracks form.

The wall deteriorates.

Until one day the walls scream in pain.

 

The dam is broken.

Suffering overflows into the world.

 

The river mourns.

The birds cry.

Innocent beings swept away by the waves of suffering.

 

 

I have no answers.

Only questions.

 

How can we prevent suffering from spilling over?

How can we live in peace?

How can we heal our nation?

 

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Welcome To Heartbreak.

I cried.

I begged.

I promised I would change.

I poured my heart out.

I suffered alone.

 

How could you not want me back?

Why can’t you forgive me?

How could you be so cold?

How could you be so heartless?

 

Welcome to heartbreak.

The heartbreak of rejection.

The sadness of regret.

The pain of looking in the mirror.

Self-hatred.

Anxious days.

Depressed nights.

 

Through the pain, I learned how to be the lotus flower.

For the lotus flower grows in muddy waters.

 

Through suffering comes joy.

Through suffering comes peace.

Through suffering comes transformation.

No mud, no lotus.

 

My heart is now filled with gratitude.

Thank you for letting me suffer and grow.

Thank you for letting me go three years ago.

Thank you, Alicia.

Hope all is well.

With Aloha,

Johnny Hoffman

Backstory: 3 years ago in Feb 2015 my life changed forever. I finally told my fiance that I cheated on her. She left me that day. I felt heartbroken, fearful, and anxious. I had to sit with myself. Sit with the anxiety, pain, and loneliness. Sit with the self-hatred. Through that suffering I found a new way of life. A one of meditation, mindfulness, and joy. 

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(Main photo: Kanye West, 808’s & Heartbreaks)